I’m sure many of you have romance and intimacy on the brain after Valentine’s Day this weekend. Maybe you had a wonderful date night with your spouse, or maybe your Valentine’s Day fell short of your Hollywood love story expectations. I’ve been there, too. It took a while for my husband and I to find a balance between genuine romantic gestures and getting frustrated when unspoken expectations weren’t met.

However you spent Valentine’s Day, it’s a great reminder to pause and think about the romance and intimacy you have with your spouse. While you can’t change their behavior, you can change yours and show your spouse you love them 365 days out of the year. That’s a real love story!

Here are a few suggestions:

• Ask them to share with you 5 ways they feel loved. If they aren’t sure where to start, I recommend taking the 5 love languages quiz.
• Tell your spouse what you appreciate about them on a regular basis.
• Buy them their favorite coffee drink or treat for no reason.
• Download an app such as Tuned that is just for the two of you to communicate.
• Hide a note for them that says you’re thinking about them.
• Ask what their favorite part of their day was.
• Get a new scented candle, play some love songs, and clean your bedroom in preparation for an intimate evening.
• Plan a surprise date for them.
• Be honest with them and share what you consider to be romantic. Don’t make them guess what you’re thinking.

It’s important to note here that while these are good general suggestions, I strongly encourage you to consider your spouse individually and what would make them feel the most loved. It may not be the way you feel loved and it may require you to go outside your comfort zone a bit, but it will be worth it to show your spouse how much you care.

For more tips on creating rhythms for romance and intimacy in your marriage, check out my book, Rhythms of Relationship! Don’t forget to hop on my Instagram stories for a daily verse to pray for your spouse as well.

Journal Question: What has your spouse told you or responded to in the past about how they feel most loved?

Additional Resource: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman